Normalcy
by Teagan
Summary: Harry and Ginny play happy couple in a world falling apart after the second war...that is until Snape comes into the picture.
1. Normalcy

**Title: _Normalcy_**

**Pairing: _Harry/Ginny…. and of course some Harry/Snape too :)_**

**A/N: _This is my first partial Het pairing fic! How wonderful :) Well, read and review but most of all enjoy!_**

**Cheers,**

_**Teagan**_

"…don't kid yourself by thinking you're better than everyone else." Harry glared at the red headed witch with cold eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?" Ginny shrugged and pushed a lock of hair out of her face. "Figure it out." Harry growled with frustration but said nothing.

"Typical." Ginny muttered.

Harry blinked, "What?"

Ginny licked her finger and turned a page in the Daily Prophet. "Nothing dear…"

"Don't call me that."

Ginny rolled her eyes and the day began. It had been a strange occurrence of fights and scratches for some time now. Most times it was for no apparent reasons, and sometimes it was because Harry was unreliable.

But he didn't feel bad either way.

"_I told you I'm not ready to settle." Harry snapped as he pulled Ginny into the Weasley kitchen. She laughed and tossed back the rest of her drink. "So?" she asked seeming to not have a care in the world…and also to be very drunk. "So don't fucking sit there talking to your mother about our wedding!" Harry shouted. Ginny laughed and kissed Harry's neck with moist lips._

"_Calm down…"_

_Harry stomped Ginny's foot and she pushed herself away from him._

"_Why do you have to ruin everything?" She asked. _

"_I'm not ready to…"_

"_Settle!" Ginny finished. "I know okay? Just shut up and play happy for my mum and dad for once, okay? God…" Ginny pushed past Harry and he glared in her direction. Her dress was far too tight for his liking, but what looks she got from order members didn't concern him these days. In fact, he could careless what other men wanted her hand or any other part of her. _

Ginny yawned.

"Mum wants us to come by the order house for dinner. It'll be the family plus Remus, Tonks and Kingsley I think…." Ginny paused. "Maybe Snape too." She muttered under her breath. Harry didn't look up from his cup of coffee. "Well?" she asked. Harry rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

Ginny stood up roughly causing the table to move, spilling the coffee Harry had poured earlier. Harry pushed his chair back and left the cup and spill to her.

"Clean it up Harry! For god sakes, are you useless!" she snapped.

Harry laughed and walked past her out into their small flat. Ginny followed looking clearly pissed. "Clean it up!" she shouted. Harry turned and shook his finger at her, "Ginny, please go up stairs and pull that wand out of your arse so I don't have to listen to your fucking mouth all day long!"

Ginny's eyes filled with tears and she pushed past him towards the bathroom slamming the door. Harry heard the water turn on. It was a typical moment. She was crying in the bathroom with the faucet on, thinking it disguised the sound her sobbing. But it didn't. A few months ago Harry would have sat by the door apologizing, trying to get her to come out; but now….Harry couldn't careless.

"_Ginny…" Harry whispered his back pressed against the hard wood of the locked bathroom door. "What!" she snapped angrily. The water must have been shut off for once so Harry could hear her continued sobbing and feel his stomach sinking. "I'm sorry I yelled…it's just…hard working with everyone...the war; you know." Ginny sobbed once more. _

"_Snape…you mean working with Snape." _

_Harry raised a brow, "No…Snape's okay." _

_Ginny sobbed even louder. _

_Harry sighed and closed his eyes as the sound of running water filled his ears with familiar calmness. _

"Oh, we're so glad you two decided to come!" Molly squealed when they entered later that night. "We wouldn't not come mum, Sheesh." Ginny kissed her mother's cheek and stood next to her helping finish the undone dinner rolls. "Harry!" Lupin said motioning for him to come out into the dinning area. Harry went and smiled as the older wizard pulled him into a hug.

"How've you been?" Lupin asked. Harry shrugged, "Fine." He smiled, "…and Ginny and you?" he asked. Harry said nothing for a moment. "We're good." He said. Lupin chuckled, "That's good to hear." Harry found himself looking over Lupin's shoulder, and as if time could read minds, Snape entered the Order house. He was with Kingsley, they both looked tired, but Kingsley's face at least held a warm smile.

Snape's held…indifference. Harry felt his face become warm. Snape's eyes caught his and nothing happened.

"Harry." Ginny said standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Harry turned and saw her worried gazed. He gulped and smiled; she smiled too and walked back into the kitchen. When Harry turned back around Snape was standing by himself with his arms crossed looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there.

"You look like your having fun." Harry said approaching the older man. Snape glared at his once student but said nothing. "…but I suppose we don't do this for fun…" Harry muttered. Snape raised a brow. "Do what for fun Mr. Potter?" Harry swallowed, "We don't come here cause we want too Snape…admit it. We come here so people will stop asking what's happened to us. " Snape snorted, "Maybe Potter."

Harry smiled and looked up at the older man, once more feeling like a child.

"_The way he looks at you sometimes…" Ginny said one hot summer day as they sat outside at Hogwarts, wearing too little clothing, basking in the sun. "…and who wears those sorts of robes in summer?" Ginny whispered as they watched the Potions master make his way across the field. _

_Harry said nothing and instead watched the way his robes flowed behind him. Even in the heat…even after all those years of being equal; Harry felt he was still inferior. _

"….and where's your mistress?" Snape asked looking at anything but Harry. Harry was caught off guard and found himself stumbling over words. "…she's…I mean we're…and…" Ginny appeared in the doorway again, and this time made her way towards the pair. "We're not in love." Harry spat out. Snape turned his gaze and their eyes finally met.

"Hello Professor." Ginny said wrapping her smaller arm in Harry's. Snape nodded and walked away. Ginny bit her lip and pulled Harry towards the kitchen. "What?" Harry snapped. "I just need some help…" Ginny said cutely as Mr. Weasley turned to see what Harry's harsh tone was all about. Harry smiled and followed along as he was pulled.

When the kitchen door closed there was silence. Harry said nothing as Ginny stood with her back to him, shoulders heaving as she took in breath after breath. "Do you have to talk to him?" she asked. Harry said nothing. "…I just….he's always looking at you so…."

"Ginny…."

She spun around, her eyes wild with anger. "Don't." she hissed. "…don't dare act like you even care what I'm going to say. Just admit it! Admit you want us done and over with!" she snapped. Harry said nothing. "It was just one night…it was…I was…"

"Drunk; so you've said." She crossed her arms. "I was…I was drunk and he was…"

"Not a woman."

Harry glared, "Fuck you." Ginny rolled her eyes. "I don't want to be done." Harry told her. She sighed, "We're not in love." Harry said nothing. The words stung even though they were exactly the truth. Snape….he wasn't…Ginny. But Ginny certainly wasn't anything he wanted anymore.

"_Shouldn't you be dancing?" Snape asked Harry who stood outside smoking. The cold air made Harry shiver and he took once last drag. Harry rolled his eyes and finally threw the smoke on the ground. "No…well…I guess I could be. But that doesn't mean I should be." Snape walked forward until they stood side by side. _

"_It's over you know…you don't have to hate me anymore." Harry muttered shoving his hands into his pockets. Snape shook his head. "Finally…" Snape muttered coldly._

"_I can dance though. "_

_Snape looked at the younger man seeming almost amused. "Can you?" he asked. Harry nodded. "It's not too hard; I mean it's about the same as flying. If you can ride a broom you can dance." Snape raised a brow, "If only that made sense…" he muttered not directly to Harry. Harry shook his head, "No really. The movements, the spins, the feeling; it's the same in dancing and flying." Harry found himself holding a dancing stance, one hand on an imaginary waist and the other holding a hand that wasn't there. _

"_I'll admit they hardly look alike, but they go hand in hand." Harry twirled his imaginary partner and then bowed to the air. Snape seemed to be in shook, staring at the younger wizard as if he were out of his mind. _

_Harry sighed, "Oh come here Snape…" _

_Harry pulled the older man towards him like it was nothing. "With a woman…you put one hand on the waist and hold the other. But don't squeeze to hard, just hold lightly. I always make sure our palms never touch. It gets sweaty, you know…" Snape snorted and froze when Harry's hand landed on his hip. _

"_I'm not a woman Potter." He told him. Harry gulped and looked up. Their hands were held in air; palm to palm. "Ginny…she always hated dancing. Weird right? Most girls like that sort of thing…" _

_Snape said nothing for a moment._

"_Most in love do." Snape said finally. Harry looked at their feet. He shook his head and took his hand off Snape's waist. Before he could get to far away however, he was pulled back into place. They were dancing. Harry couldn't help but laugh aloud. "You can dance…" Snape smirked and looked beyond his gaze. "…and fly." He mumbled to himself. _

_Harry smiled and Snape's eye glinted; he pushed Harry out and pulled him sharply back into his arms. But Harry stumbled and slammed into the older man quite hard. Snape seemed speechless for a second and neither said a word. "…wouldn't it be wonderful if everything was as easy as this?" Harry whispered looking up at Snape. _

_Somehow their mouths found one another and it was unlike any kiss Harry and Ginny had ever shared. In the back of his mind he heard the clicking of heels. Snape pulled away and they both turned to see Ginny looking as pale as a ghost. She raised a hand to cover her mouth and ran as the tears began to fall. Harry pulled completely out of Snape's arms, "Ginny!" he shouted running in her direction. He stopped and turned to see Snape with his arms crossed looking at the sky. _

Ginny walked out of the kitchen, still looking obviously upset. Harry followed soon after and found that everyone's eyes were on him. He left the Order House never looking back.

"…_Ginny…when did things change?" Harry asked as they lay outside in the snow that fell so perfectly in the winter moonlight. Ginny turned towards him, "Long before we'd admit it, that's for sure." Harry nodded and folded his hands over his stomach. _

"_I can't tell mum and dad…just not yet. They just lost Ron…things have to be normal; just for a little while." Harry turned his head towards hers. _

"_Okay." Harry said pushing forward a smile. They laid for a moment longer in the snow, until the moon ran to hide behind clouds in the night sky. Harry thought of dancing, flying and something that seemed could be love._

**-Fin- for now**

…**I haven't decided yet, but I think I might make this into a mini series…or maybe I'll just write a sequel about Snape and Harry. Let me know what you think :)**


	2. Truism

**Title: Truism**

**Pairing: Implied or the beginning of… Harry/Snape**

**A/N: Alrighty then! So this is my sequel to Normalcy, which I have decided to make into a mini series. This isn't the last…or ever the second to last. I'll stretch these a bit; don't worry :) I hope everyone enjoys Truism as much as they seemed to enjoy Normalcy.**

…**.and remember to hang in there with me…Snape and Harry have plenty of time to get more together If you know what I mean…wink-wink**

_**Cheers---**_

_**Teagan**_

**Tru·ism :** _an undoubted or self-evident truth; especially one too obvious for mention._

"This is yours." Ginny said handing Harry a wrinkled shirt. He took it from her grasp and starred at it. "You wore it more than I ever did." He muttered. Ginny smiled for a moment, but it fell away quickly. "Just take it Harry…" She picked up a box of her things and walked to the bedroom door. "You could stay here." He said following her down the stairs. Ginny said nothing until they had both reached the bottom.

"It'd be weird…" Ginny said wiping the sweat off her forehead. Harry glanced at the boxes that had Ginny's loopy hand writing on them. "No…this is weird. You leaving…" Harry shook his head and crossed his arms. Ginny pulled a key out her pocket and handed it to him. "It….wasn't meant to be. You know it wasn't…."

Harry closed his eyes for a moment and he didn't see Ginny. How pathetic was human emotion? It came and went as it pleased….and then everything quietly would fall apart.

"Mum said you can still come for supper on Sunday's…and there's always food and stuff going on at the Order House…" Ginny looked around making sure everything of hers was packed away. Harry said nothing.

"You'll be okay." Ginny said seeing Harry's dead expression.

"Probably." Harry muttered.

The house was like a mansion without screaming to bounce off its walls, or sobbing to fill the cracks of the doors. Harry found himself smelling Ginny on and in everything. The entire house was Harry and Ginny. Not one or the other, but a strange combination of both. When Harry slept he woke up on Ginny's side…the bed was just too big. So he pulled out his wand two nights after she had moved out and made it smaller.

"How's it being single?" Kingsley asked him one night when Harry desperately came to Number 12 Grimmauld Place feeling like utter shite. Harry looked at the darker wizard and shook his head. "Not all it's cracked up to be." Harry admitted. Kingsley chuckled and patted Harry's back.

"You'll live." He told Harry; and Harry supposed he would.

Sometimes Harry found himself sitting at the kitchen table wondering why Ginny wasn't home yet…and why she never called when she was running late. Only later when he went up stairs for bed did he remember she was gone. The bed was far too small for anyone but him anymore.

"You have to get out; live a little. You don't need someone by your side all the time." Tonks told him when he stopped by the Order House for what seemed like the millionth time that week. "What if I want someone there?" He asked. Tonks shrugged, "That's an entirely different story then I suppose." Harry fell asleep by the fire; he didn't want to go home. Everything still smelled like her.

"Harry. Wake up…"

Harry opened his eyes and snapped up.

"Waaah…?" Harry looked around squinting around at the blurry images. Someone handed him his glasses. Harry hadn't even remembered taking them off. "Weird." He said as he put them on and Lupin came into sight. "Tonks told me you passed out." Harry rolled his eyes. "I didn't pass out…I fell asleep." Lupin smirked and yawned, looking quite tired as well.

"Maybe you should come out with us tonight. Kingsley's gotten a new job offer in France; He's leaving in a week. Tonks and I offered to take him out." Harry looked at the fire place contemplating it. "I could I guess…"

"It'll be fun." Lupin said.

Harry, Lupin and Tonks met Kingsley and some work friends at the Hogshead later that night. Drinks were bought and drunken and then bought again. Harry found himself wanting to go home more with each passing second. "Would you mind if I left?" Harry asked Lupin in a whisper. Kingsley laughed aloud at something Tonks told her and together they made a very drunk pair.

Lupin smiled at Tonks, and Harry had to admit she had a charm to her. Tonks's hair was a bright pink, her cheeks seemed stained red, and her clothing style was that of complete opposite compared to everyone around her. She young, free and beautiful; Harry blushed.

"I wouldn't mind…" Lupin muttered finally. Harry glanced up at him. "I know…bad form….but I never was one for drinking…" Lupin nodded and Kingsley grabbed his hand in a tight handshake as he stood to leave. "You stay good Harry." The darker wizard told him. Harry smiled and headed for the door.

Harry wasn't even half way across the room when Snape caught his eye. He sat at table by himself; his eyes scanned the room and he sat straight up looking far to composed for his own good. 'Everyone's too attractive when you're single…' Harry thought to himself. His feet seemed to betray him and started towards the older man. Suddenly, as though time wasn't on Harry's side, another man came from the other side of them room and sat at the other chair at Snape's table.

Snape didn't smile or blink or do anything of the sort. But somehow Harry felt his contentment. Was this man Snape's lover? Harry felt himself turn sharply heading for the door. When his body touched the cold air he wished he could have been anywhere but there.

Harry found himself the next day at the burrow, standing outside the cold confused by everything that was happening. Was this was life was like? A million heart aches and nothing left but a bunch of pointless feelings…"Harry?" Ginny's voice sounded but Harry couldn't find its source. "Up here!" she shouted. Harry glanced up and saw her face in the window. She waved and rested her hands on the outer rim.

"Just come on up. No one's home…Mum and dad had to go to St. Mungo's to check up on Ron's files." Harry nodded and went in. The trip up the stairs seemed to last a thousand years; but once he saw Ginny's face again, the light of situation appeared once more.

"Hey…" she said pulling him into a friendly hug. Harry sighed and rested against her for a moment. It was…nothing. Harry had somewhere deep inside hoped it would have felt like more. But it didn't. "Wanna sit?" Ginny asked pointing to her desk chair. Harry nodded and went to it carefully. Ginny fell back into her old bed, legs crossed and book propped off to the side.

"I think I might go back into training, you know? I guess they have some new openings for Aurors. "Harry smiled and crossed his arms. "How are your parents?" Harry asked making small talk. Ginny shrugged, "Okay….they…well they said they kind of always had this feeling about us."

Harry said nothing.

"…I mean…I didn't tell them you were Gay or anything…I mean that's your business."

Harry raised a brow.

"I'm not gay…" Harry whispered.

"Harry…." Ginny said folding her hands in her lap.

"I'm not." Harry said forcefully.

"What do you call kissing Snape?"

"How can I love you one minute and be gay the next?!" Harry shouted standing. "Do you honestly think that our relationship was over because I found out I was gay?!" Harry snapped. Ginny said nothing. "God you so fucking irritating sometimes!" Harry clenched his fists counting silently inside his head.

"Okay fine…Bi then." Harry laughed aloud.

"Bi…me…yeah…" fear started to creep under Harry's skin. "Oh god..." He groaned. Ginny stood. "It's not so bad Harry….I mean….there's even more fish in the sea for you…"

Harry dry sobbed and covered his face with his hands. "Why am I such a fucking freak?" he muttered. Ginny laughed, "You're hardly a freak….I mean…being Bi…it could be worse." Harry glared, "Uh-huh…and how could it be worse?"

Ginny shrugged, "You could be transvestite."

She assured him it was all in good fun, but Harry found himself feeling worse after seeing Ginny than he had in a while. It didn't take long for Harry to find his way back to the Order House, alone as always, drinking wine left out from many nights ago. It tasted awful; but Harry thought the taste was appropriate for how he had felt for the past few days. Harry heard the front doors open but his eyes stayed on his glass that was now empty, much like he was.

"They're talking Potter." Harry looked over his shoulder and saw Snape. He snorted, and said nothing to the older man. Snape didn't sit, or say anything else and so the two found themselves in silent battle of nothing. "What do you want?" Harry slurred rather than asked. Snape sighed sounding quite annoyed.

"They say you're slipping down into the slums faster than Lupin."

Harry whipped around and stared at Snape angrily. "Remus didn't do anything! I did this to myself…but he…he can't help what his life is like. You're such an insensitive arse…" Harry stood up and stumbled backwards.

"You can talk like a man Potter…but it seems you can't take your drink like one."

Harry crossed his arms and stared at the floor wondering why it spun as though he were moving along with it. "….and so I assume Ms. Weasley won't be stopping by any longer?" Snape asked. Harry shook his head 'No.'

Finally Harry's gaze drifted from the floor, "Why do you care?" he asked.

Snape looked past Harry as he always did, "…what makes you think I do?"

Harry snorted, "That's right. You have no feelings. How dare I ask you, Severus Snape, such an absurd question! A man who goes through life living it with the least amount of compassion possible….what a bunch of shite. You can leave and tell everyone I'm fucking spiffy and dandy-doo so they'll all get off my back."

"What….?" Snape raised a brow.

"Admit it; you didn't come here on your own. They made you. Lupin, Tonks, Kingsley…fucking Merlin! But you would never come here on your own to help me….but why you would anyways? It's not like you kissed me or anything and ruined my entire life!"

Snape's face was uncaring and this enraged Harry even more. The younger man found himself pushing Snape angrily. He stumbled, but held strong against Harry's efforts.

"You ruined everything!" Harry shouted. Snape grabbed Harry's hand that shot for his face just in time. "….I'm supposed to be normal…just…for once god damnit…" Harry felt himself slipping to the ground. Snape released his hand and did nothing as Harry fell to his knees.

His head hung forward; he had never felt so ashamed.

"You were always there; you were always watching…it was the most obvious foreshadow…even Ginny saw it. Why didn't I?" Harry looked up at Snape, noticing just how abstract and strange his features were. No wonder the first years were so terrified of him.

"You've never been very bright…" Snape pointed out. Harry stood up shaking. "Did you have intentions of coming out there that night…to just…to just…"

"To just what Potter? To kiss you? You think I sit in my bedroom all night wondering how to get a moment alone with you to take advantage?"

Harry couldn't look at the man…he just couldn't….

"Life isn't that fucking Simple Potter. It isn't about the planning or the clues that lead up to events…it every damn thing you can't calculate and every single you thing you ignore that make life what it is. Stop putting yourself on a pedestal by believing that I wish to ruin your life above all others."

Harry glared, "You've always hated me! Just admit it…"

Snape rolled his eyes. "In the last two or three years, what has given you the slightest indication that I hate you?"

Harry thought for a moment; nothing really. Of course he had his moments of being a complete arse, but it wasn't anything different with almost anyone else. Snape still treated McGonagall with the same respect he did most Hogwarts Professors and most everyone else after that was just an annoyance. In fact…Harry couldn't even point out one time Snape had harassed him since the second war had ended.

"You've never liked me…"

"…yes and I often kiss those I wish dead Potter. Congratulations, you're officially a complete waste of knowledge." Snape strode gracefully towards the door. "What the hell does that mean? You like me?!" Harry snapped. Snape said nothing and simply slammed the door as he left.

Harry felt the wine begin the ware off and the feeling of a headache sink in. The slamming of the door rang in his ears and he couldn't help but think he had made yet another mistake.

"What does Snape have to do with you and Ginny?" Lupin asked when he came to the Order House later that night. Harry said nothing for a sometime, but finally the words came out. "I kissed him…I mean, he kissed me too…and we…I..." Lupin starred at him with shocked eyes. "Kissed?" he asked. Harry gulped and nodded.

"You Kissed Snape?"

"Yes…"

"Wait…and he kissed you back?"

Harry looked from side to side, "What? Am I that appalling?"

Lupin shook his head, "I need a moment to let this sink in." Harry sighed and leaned back against the fire place he and Lupin had been standing by. "But…I thought you loved Ginny?" Harry shrugged, "I did…do…" He stopped for a moment breathing sharply, "I _did_."

"Do her parents know that's why you split?"

Harry growled in frustration, "What's the big fucking deal?! Honestly…it's not their relationship that got completely fucked up…" Harry crossed his arms and kept himself from looking at the werewolf.

"So are you two together then? You and Snape?"

Harry looked at the flames from the fire out of the corner of his eyes, "Hardly." Harry whispered. Lupin nodded, "Sort of a lose-lose situation I suppose." Harry shrugged once more but said nothing.

It wasn't long after that Lupin said his goodbyes explaining he'd be staying with Tonks in her small cottage not far from London. Harry watched him off and found himself feeling far too tired for his own good. When sleep finally took him over there were only dreams of failure to lull him deeper into sleep.

"_We're we ever in love?" _

_Ginny's hair was a fire red; it shined more brightly than anything Harry had ever known. Her eyes were warm; they were the only thing Harry considered home. Ginny's eyes and Ginny's smile; what was there with out them? _

"_We were…I know…I swear we were…" Ginny took a soft hand and touched Harry's slightly unshaven cheek with it. "I never loved you." She said in a whisper. _

_Harry shook his head eyes filling with regret, "You're lying…" Harry choked. _

"_I never loved you." Ginny whispered in a voice that could only be described as filled with love. _

"_LIAR!" Harry shouted. _

He shot awake eyes filled with tears. He reached for his wand that lay on the floor along with his outer robe and shoes. The Order House was completely empty, and Harry found himself stuck inside it all alone. Everything came at once…as though he had forgotten every good thing about Ginny and her ways. Harry rolled to his side, crossing his arms tightly as the spasms took him over.

"_I never loved you…" _Ginny's voice sang in his head.

Harry found himself standing outside of Hogwarts and the walls seemed to be braking from the outside out. Harry was afraid to touch the beaten castle, and instead found himself staring at it, perfectly still.

"Potter." Someone said from behind him.

Harry turned and saw Snape.

"She never loved me…"

Snape came up to stand side by side with the younger man. "…but you believe you loved her?" Harry bit his lip and nodded. "I know I did…maybe…maybe I still do." Harry shook his head and closed his eyes as the old winter wind blew past him.

"It'll fade."

Harry looked up at the older wizard. His face was cold and uncaring, but the words held truth and empathy. "But disappear?" Harry asked. Snape's robe rustled and Harry saw his large pale hands appear. "It never disappears Potter…surely you know that."

Harry did know it; Voldermort may have been gone at that very moment, but his memory lingered like a horrible secret no one ever spoke of. It was a simple thing…far too obvious for mention. But Snape was right. They had to fade. Harry felt his hand being pulled and suddenly Snape and he were hand in hand. Harry had never felt something so close to a new beginning. It wasn't something that seemed possible, let alone probable.

"Do you miss knowing things will never be the same?" Harry asked Snape. The older man said nothing for a moment. Hogwarts looked defeated, but it was still beautiful.

"No, I'll never miss it." Snape said at last.

**2-Be-Continued**


	3. Desolate

**Title: Desolate**

**Pairing: Harry/Snape and Ginny/OMC Or original Male character for all you fancy fanfiction-ers out there.**

**A/N: The third, but NOT last, installment of my series that started with _'Normalcy'._ ENJOY :)**

**Summary: Harry decides to start Auror training to take his mind off of everything. But then he meets Ajax Everett and realizes forgetting the past isn't easy after all. **

The Roads were still covered in snow, but spring had its break one March afternoon. The sun shined and slush adored the streets of the Wizarding world. Harry found himself outside the Ministry of Magic with a paper in his hand. He was still sick from the journey there; the ride seemed to always make his stomach drop. "Welcome Mr. Potter." A man greeted as he stepped forward. Harry nodded and smiled as he entered.

"Can I help you Mr. Potter?" A woman at the counter in front of him asked. Harry felt himself become annoyed by the constant use of his name, but he composed himself. "I'm here to apply for Auror training…?" She tilted her head and smiled pointing to a large brown door at the end of a corridor to Harry's right.

He nodded and waved walking in the direction he was appointed. The corridor seemed to echo his footsteps a million times over as he walked. It was too quiet, and that made him nervous. Harry approached the door holding out his hand to grab the large brass handle.

"DON'T!" Someone shouted suddenly. Harry spun around his wand out in a second flat. There stood a wizard with dark blue eyes and a squared face. He looked at least five or six years older than Harry himself, but he wasn't sure on his actual age.

"Good timing." The wizard said sticking out his hand for a shake. Harry raised a brow placing his wand back inside his robe's pocket. He took the man's hand looking confused.

"I'll be your trainer, I'm Everett. Ajax Everett."

Harry shook his hand, "Harry Potter." Everett's eyes flew to his scar, but Harry's hair covered it, and for this he was grateful. "You don't say….me teaching the greatest wizard who's ever lived. Well, besides Merlin that is. But who even knows if he was real…." Everett opened the large door and they entered a room completely empty.

"Where is everyone?" Harry asked. Everett shrugged, "Dunno…at home…at…some other place with better work. Take your pick."

Harry opened the paper he forgot he had been holding. "Do you need to see my résumé?"

The man stared at him in disbelief. "You have no idea how desperate we are for Aurors right now, do you?" Harry looked from side to side feeling like a complete moron. "Well, I know my friend…well, sort of friend…Kingsley transferred but…" Everett snorted, "…and he wasn't the only one. Brown, Lansing, Caldor, Levi, Randoski…need I continue?" Harry thought for a moment, "But why? Why did they leave?" Ajax laughed aloud this time, and Harry found the sound almost attractive. "Why didn't they leave sooner is a better question. You can't be so blind Harry…you fought in the war…things haven't been going too well with the Ministry in Britain sense…that's why people have been deporting to France, Bulgaria, The States…and some smaller places in Asia, Africa and the Middle east."

Harry nodded.

"You wouldn't believe the trouble we've been in though…no one wants to work for a corrupt society."

Harry's brain hurt from the idea of it all, "Corrupt?"

Everett chuckled, "You have a lot to learn Potter."

_Someone's hand scraped nails down his back. Harry bit his lip and tried to open his eyes and it was dark. "Isn't it amazing? The way touch, smell and sight make you feel?" Harry nodded and then aloud said, "Yes." The voice chuckled and the hands were pulled away. "She may have never loved you…but I," Harry turned suddenly and saw just eyes floating in the distance. _

"…_always have." _

Harry opened his eyes and groaned as the light from the window was shone. It had to be noon…he found himself sleeping in later and later each day that passed. From the looks of it, spring was winning the weather battle, the sun was out and the grass peaked through the remaining snow on the ground.

Harry rose and dressed. It would be the first day of his new Auror training. When he arrived there were only a hand full of over witches and wizards there. Ginny, being one of them. Harry wasn't surprised; she had been the one who had told him about it anyways. Everett seemed to be talking very fixedly with her, and Harry waved when she looked over.

Ginny smiled and her eyes lit up.

"Harry!" She ran towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Ajax, this is Harry." They had met the day before, but something about this meeting was awkward. "We've met." Everett said extending a hand. Harry took it and shook it.

"This is just so weird. I was just talking about you. Everett was saying how excited he was to be teaching someone like you and then, here you are! Funny how things work out huh?"

Harry raised a brow, "Someone like me?"

Ginny nodded, "You know…famous."

"…and someone who can tell us more about the undermining oppression of the Ministry." Everett added.

"What?" Harry asked. Ginny smiled and Harry found his stomach sinking. What had he gotten himself into?

As the day continued Harry found himself less and less fond of Ajax Everett and more annoyed with Ginny's too happy attitude. They spent most of the day listening to Everett tell his tales of battling numerous death eaters and other dark creatures alike. Harry began to get the feeling that Everett was nothing more than a pathetic attention craving, Hero wanna-be.

"…but I can't brag here in front of the one of the greatest wizards alive, Harry Potter, now can I?" Ginny giggled and everyone else nodded with agreement. "I'm not one of the greatest wizards…"

Everett raised a hand, "I simply cannot let you demean yourself Harry. You might be the utmost wizard we've known since….well, anyone!" Harry found himself counting mentally backwards to stop himself from jumping up and attacking someone.

"Isn't he just amazing?" Ginny asked after the grueling four hours of consistent babbling was over. "Amazing wasn't the word I was going to use." Harry muttered.

"Well, he simply adores you." She pointed out. Harry laughed aloud.

"Because he thinks I'm some sort of God."

Ginny shrugged, "Well you'll always be something like a hero in my eyes." Harry shook his head and said his goodbyes just to be rid of her. He couldn't help but feel like he was completely pathetic after the high praise everyone seemed to give him.

'_What about Ron? He died… and what does he get? A funeral paid at the Ministry expense. Big deal_.'

Harry laid on his too small bed and thought of Hermione and Ron. It wasn't such a long time ago there were still inseparable. The war could have been partly to blame for the amount of time they spent together, but it wasn't as though it made things completely horrible for the three. The only bad thing that had come from the three of them ever being together was Ron's death.

_The day was warm; it was summer. Three weeks since the 7th years had graduated and almost two years into the second war. Harry, Hermione and Ron had spent most of their time at the Order house, but due to recent rise in the Dark Lords power, they were sent out to a small training facility not far from London. _

"_Harry?" Ron asked from his right. Harry turned and looked at him with a smile on his face. "What's with him?" Ron asked nodding towards Snape who stood across from them, leaning against the Medi-witch cabin. "What?" Harry asked shrugging. _

"_Staring…it's creepy." Ron glared at him and Snape raised a brow turning his gaze away once more. "He's just eyeing the crowd as he always does…" Hermione explained. Ron rolled his eyes, "Uh-huh…but he looks over here the most. He just fucking hates us." _

_Harry didn't agree; but he did wonder what had caught Snape's attention so much nevertheless. "Ginny wrote me." Ron said finally. Hermione looked up and smiled, "What'd she say?" Harry kept his ears open but didn't look at Ron who was clearly looking at him. _

"_Well, she says she misses me a lot…and that mum and dad are always babying her these days…" Ron nudged Harry. "She said she's had her mind on you too mate." Harry felt his face become warm. "Did she?" Harry choked. Hermione smiled to herself but said nothing. _

"_She's nuts about you. Don't go ruining it, you hear?" _

_Harry nudged Ron back. "I won't…" _

"_It think it's so sweet…I mean, I could just picture you two getting married, having little kids." Hermione rested her chin in her hand smiling fondly. _

_Harry coughed and inhaled deeply, "Wow, slow down there Hermione. Sheesh…" _

_Ron laughed and soon after Harry found himself following in suit._

It wasn't so long ago they were innocent. Knowing what Harry knew now, it was sad a waste of years because not long after that Ron died in battle. But, in all fairness, it wasn't even what anyone besides the ministry would consider 'battle'. Battle would mean Ron was fighting back…or was at least prepared to do so. He wasn't….they snuck up on their camp plain and simple.

It was just bad timing; Ron happened to be out and about the time they struck. He was dead long before the Medi-Witches assigned for the night collected the few bodies. It just happened that one of them was Ron. It wasn't a shock; maybe that was what had disturbed Harry the most of all. He and Hermione had waited for it; for someone they loved to die. So when it came, it was almost a relief. Finally they could understand what loss meant.

When it came time for Harry to defeat Voldermort he did; and then it was over. It was so simple, so effortless it frightened everyone for it to be over. But they packed their things and went back to living the best they could. Hermione left Britain and Harry stayed in place; stuck with Ginny and every memory that everyone else swore were curses to never be spoken of.

Harry didn't think of Ron and Hermione too much since the war had ended; in fact, sometimes it was as though their entire friendship was a surreal reality. Harry couldn't help but miss it now though; he hadn't been alone…really alone in so long it scared him to think that every time something ended, it really ended. It wasn't just put on hold but instead pushed out to sea to be lost forever.

Harry stood outside of Hogwarts once more and this time the weather was almost spring, _real_ spring. Snape didn't come though; and the doors almost seemed to push him further away. But Harry took his chances and walked forward, into the castle and through the corridors. When he came to stand in front of the dungeons he wondered if this was the plan laid out for him.

From Ginny to Snape. His journey was so short it was strange; but it was comforting in the same sense. Harry knocked once and it was answered with a, "Come in."

Harry pushed forward and found himself looking at Snape. It was like a dream, but Harry felt like he was going to be sick…and somehow that made it real. "Hi." Harry muttered. Snape looked up from desk and raised a brow. "Potter?"

"Yeah…um…Hi." He said again. Harry mentally kicked himself. "The papers are talking again Potter." Harry came closer and saw the moving picture on the front of the daily prophet. It was Ajax Everett. "Auror training. I have to be honest in saying I'm surprised they even considered you." Harry began to open his mouth but Snape interrupted. "Spare me that, 'but I defeated the dark lord,' speech Potter, will you?" Harry swallowed.

Silence filled the room until Harry felt finally he had the courage to speak once more.

"Actually, I was going to say it's not really an honor or anything…I guess becoming an Auror is easier and easier these days." Snape said nothing and his expression was the same indifferent look as always.

"I mean, if it was four or five years ago, I guess I probably would have been denied…."

Snape shrugged and stood towering over Harry. "At least we're on the same page." The older wizard walked past him and back to a book shelf on Harry's right. "I don't think I deserve to really be an Auror…but…I guess it's better than sitting alone and being nothing." Snape said nothing and kept scanning the rows of books for something.

"I know you probably think it's pathetic…me wanting to be something like a hero; but I guess it's all I know somewhat how to do." Harry ran a hand through his hair.

"A few fair spell maneuvers and some lucky coincidences hardly qualify you as a hero, Potter. Surely even you know that."

Harry sighed, "Even so…it's all I know. Chance and luck and standing up for people…it's all I know." Snape grabbed the book he had been searching for and dusted off the cover with his hand. "Why not find out what else you know?" Snape threw the book at him and Harry stared at the cover.

"**_Discovering Your Mystical, Magical and Unnoticeable Gifts From Beyond." _**

Snape sat at his desk once more and Harry smiled, "Would you want to go out sometime?" Snape glanced up at him. "No Potter." Harry shrugged and walked out of his office with the book tucked in at his side.

Harry came once more to the ministry, feeling dread at the idea of seeing Ajax Everett. "Harry!" Ginny said waving in his direction. Harry felt his insides tighten as she smiled at him from across the room. Everett came from around the corner grabbing Ginny from behind. She squealed with joy and turned around to face him. Harry stopped in his tracks and stared.

Everett leaned down to kiss her; to kiss Ginny. "Not here git…" she muttered finally. Everett shrugged and let her go. "Potter! Come on! Class starts in fifteen!" Harry shook his head and followed the two down the corridor.

"So…." Harry mumbled to Ginny as Everett gave them a lecture about proper ways to deal with the 'enemy' during an official capture. Ginny kept her eyes forward as Harry spoke, "…since when are you and Everett a thing?"

Ginny's eyes brow came together, "Thing? A thing?" Harry groaned, "Since when have you been dating? A whole two weeks?" Ginny shrugged. "I dunno…I met him when I came here to find a job a while ago."

Harry bit his lip, "...when we were still seeing each other?"

Ginny sighed, "I guess."

"You guess?" Harry said a bit louder than he had meant too. A few people glared in their direction. Ginny finally turned to look at him, "…Harry…we were way over before I starting even thinking about Everett like that." Harry rolled his eyes, "but we were still together!" Harry argued.

Ginny curled her fist into a ball. "Why is this a big deal?"

"It's not."

"Then what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Stop being such a girl, Harry Sheesh…."

"Nice coming from you."

Ginny glared at him, "Ajax is a nice guy and he's brave; he thinks highly of you for your information…"

Harry snorted, "Because he thinks I'm this ideal Hero who's going to save the world every day for the rest of my life!"

Ginny sighed, "It's not a big deal…I mean…like we said, we were never in love. We were…just stupid and lonely. It was a war…I mean we needed something. But now…" she looked up at Everett who was writing down information about the rights of anyone suspected of illegal magical activity, "…I want to be in love."

"She just wanted to be in love."

Snape looked at Harry with an eye brow raised. "She did then or she does now?"

Harry shrugged. "Both I suppose…I was so stupid…" He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't see why she'd want to be with someone like Ajax Everett." Snape said nothing. "…I mean, he's pretty…pretty…"

"Handsome?"

Harry glared.

"Intelligent?" Snape offered.

Harry glared more.

"The kind of person you were only more so?" Harry shook his head. "I was never like him." Snape rolled his eyes, "…as you wish Potter." Harry growled, "I wasn't!"

"You were, because you loved her. You only hate this Everett because he has what you can't have any longer. It's human nature."

Harry crossed his arms and looked out the large windows Snape usually kept closed.

"Whatever." He muttered.

"_I bet if you two got married you'd have kids that would blow Hogwarts away...Ginny's always been smart, and you can play Quidditch like it's no bodies business!" Harry laughed and shook his head. "It'd be weird huh?" Ron looked at him, "Why would it be weird?" _

_Harry shrugged, "I dunno...I just never really had a real family you know. Then I would." Ron nodded," I suppose you would." _

Harry couldn't think of any excuse to blow off the Auror training that wouldn't make him seem like a complete idiot; so the only choice he seemed to have left was to man up and go. The room was full of a few more people than usual when Harry came in, and this surprised him. He glanced to the front of the room and saw Everett and Ginny talking to a small man wearing all bright colors. When he turned towards Harry a camera was seen.

"Harry! Come over here and meet the new reporter for the daily prophet!" Everett beamed at him and Harry couldn't help but glare back. Ginny smiled and waved; grudgingly Harry followed.

"Well it's a pleasure Mr. Potter." The man said sticking out a hand. Harry took it and shook quickly, pulling back shoving his hands straight down to his sides. It was Hogwarts all over again…it was his life that he swore he'd never repeat all over again. He couldn't stand being seen as famous, and perfect; this hero the world couldn't help but want to hear about. But suddenly, he was back to just that.

"If I could have a minute of your time, I'd love to talk about just what you've learned so far from Mr. Everett here. His program is supposed to improve the Auror community by ten fold!" he explained. Harry looked at Ginny and Everett who smiled back at him.

"…well, I think class will be starting soon and I don't want to miss…"

Everett interrupted, "Nonsense! Go Harry. Talk away." Harry mentally rolled his eyes and reluctantly followed the reporter out of the room. They stood off to the side out of the way of the Classroom.

"Now, then…shall we begin?"

Harry cleared his throat, "I'm afraid I didn't catch your name."

The man looked up at him, giving a very toothy grin. "Randle Kraft." Harry nodded and crossed his arms.

"I have to be honest Mr. Kraft…I haven't actually learned too much about …Auroring at all…" Kraft shook his head and laughed.

"Let's be honest for a minute Mr. Potter, do you think our readers really care about you becoming an Auror?" Harry gaped at him, "…what they want to know is, are you single? Do you still have your hero charisma about you? Just what have you been up to since you killed the Dark Lord and many of his followers?"

Kraft paused, "…and do you feel any regret from killing people who could have been completely innocent under the infamous Imperius curse?"

Harry felt himself throw a punch before he could stop himself. Kraft landed on the floor a few feet backwards looking stunned. "Mr. Potter!" the woman at the reception counter came from around the corner. "I think we're done here." Harry said panting heavily as though he had run for some time.

Ginny came out into the corridor as Harry began to walk away. "Harry! Harry wait!" she screamed.

"What? Do you have another reporter who wants to know my life story?" he shouted. "Or does Everett need me to stay for the day so people can keep on thinking he's amazing for having the opportunity to teach someone…"

Ginny sighed, "…someone?"

Harry growled angrily, "...someone like me!"

"Everett thinks your amazing Harry! It has nothing to do with what other people think!"

Harry laughed aloud. "It has _everything _to do with what other people will think!"

Ginny said nothing and crossed her arms.

"We stayed together because we didn't want your parents _thinking_ our life was shitty!"

She still said nothing.

"I didn't tell anyone I thought maybe I was gay because I didn't want everyone_ thinking_ I was some kind of freak!"

Ginny looked at the floor. She had to have known; she had to be aware that this was the case. Harry wasn't spitting lies or making everything seem larger than life. It was nothing but the truth.

"I didn't admit that I was in love with you…because I didn't want anyone thinking I was weak."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Everett coming towards them after talking with the reception woman and Kraft.

"…everything we've done…everything we didn't do, was only because we were so damn concerned what people would think. But…" Harry sighed, "I don't care anymore. I don't fucking care anymore Ginny."

Everett grabbed Ginny's arm and turned her face up, "What's wrong?" he asked. Ginny shook her head as tears fell down her cheeks. Harry sighed and turned walking away from them. He was on his way back to Hogwarts.

"I was stupid…and now, I know what I want. I know it…and I think that you might have feelings for me too. So…if we could talk about it…or work it out or something that'd, be…well, great."

Harry stood at the front of Snape's desk, feeling as though in any moment he might die.

"Well?" Harry asked.

Snape stared at him.

Harry cleared his throat, "…do you…well, like me?" Snape snorted, "I'm head over heels for you Potter." Snape said coldly. "Well, thankfully the feeling is mutual." Snape stood up and walked about his desk. Harry couldn't help but admire the way he seemed to always look so sure of himself in every step he took. Maybe it was years of mistreatment that made him so hard to understand or read, but at that moment it was everything Harry admired about him. It was all too perfect.

Snape stood tall in front of him; his eyes were a coal black. It was just the same as the night they first kissed. The night the rest of his life had changed. From something normal, to…this.

"If its love you're looking for Potter…then I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong tree."

Harry nodded shoving his hands into his pockets. "But…I think you could learn to love me." Snape smirked and his hands came to rest on Harry's arm.

This was it….this was what had started a new chapter. All Harry had to do was move forward and then Ginny would just be another memory shoved back into his subconscious. So he pushed forward and Snape met half way.

Unlike last time, it was no longer cold. Spring was winning over the winter snow, and no one came to stop them from ever happening. Snape didn't seem to be too interested, until Harry felt his hand slide and land on his hip, gripping forcefully. Harry felt his lip being bitten and then suddenly pulled back. Snape stared at him looking indifferent as always.

"I just…I keep…"

Harry closed his eyes and there was Ginny. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" he asked aloud. Snape said nothing. "I mean, here we are snogging and all I can think about is Ginny…" Harry took a few steps backgrounds shoving his hands into his hair.

"Nothing is wrong with you."

"Yes, there is something wrong with me! Why…could I love her…maybe still love her when she never loved me!"

Snape crossed his arms and looked past him.

"What is wrong with me?"

"Leave Potter." Harry looked up at him, "I can't…I just need someone..."

"You need to stop pitying yourself is what you need to do. Weasley is a blind idiot and can't a see a bloody good thing that's in front of her." Harry half smiled, "I'm a good thing?" he asked. Snape rolled his eyes. "…and I shall never repeat it."

Harry sighed, "Once was enough."

Harry stood in front of his mirror examining his form. He looked healthy…he looked good. Was Snape really…did Snape really see him as a good thing? Harry sighed and fell backwards onto his bed. He stood up suddenly as soon as he felt how spacious it was. It was no longer the small, pathetic bed he had transformed after Ginny had moved out. It was big and warm just like it was made to be. Harry looked at it fondly, loving the size and space it gave him.

Somehow, sleeping alone in it felt okay.


	4. Subsist

**Title: Subsist**

**Pairing: Harry/Snape**

**A/N: My fourth and newest installment of the mini series that it still not officially titled…Anywho, this is most certainly not the last piece; but I hope you all enjoy it none the less.**

_**Cheers—**_

**Teagan**

**----------------------------------**

It was almost summer.

Harry felt the tug of emptiness and the lost fulfillment at the idea of Auror training. It meant nothing. It was a spare time activity. He had only joined it in the hopes of finding some way to help people; but as it turned out, his destiny with helping anyone was over.

Ginny hadn't spoken much to Harry outside of casual 'hellos' and 'goodbyes', and Harry had not expected her to be completely forgiving of him for the things he had said.

All and all, Harry found himself back to where he had started.

Alone and confused.

Harry's mind was filled with a twinge of hope; Snape had said he was a good thing. That had to mean something. Even in the absence of him, he felt as though it was Snape's uncaring way of saying, 'I like you too.'

Harry lay flat on his back, on his small shrunken bed feeling bored.

There was a loud knock on his door down stairs, to which he responded immediately. Not knowing who would possibly need to contact him on a Saturday, Harry opened it cautiously.

"Harry," said Hermione's smiling face.

Frozen in shook, Harry said nothing.

"…are you quite alright?"

Harry shook his head and starred, "I thought you were still studying in France…"

Hermione sighed, "Well you can't expect me to study for four years straight. I am given holiday vacations you know; Molly invited for dinner tomorrow night at the Order House. I decided it was high time I came back. I've denied enough meals as it is."

Harry stepped back and let her enter. He opened his mouth to explain the absence of Ginny when Hermione raised her hand.

"I've heard…something's. Ginny's with an Ajax Everett? That's what Molly's told me."

Harry shrugged, "Well then you'd best keep listening to her." Feeling the sudden need to curl up in his bed alone, Harry stood over his kitchen counter pretending to be contemplating making tea.

Hermione sighed," I don't understand. What happened?" Harry yawned, he was tired of pretending he knew all the answers to the twists and turns his life took.

"We…changed. I guess," Harry said. Hermione sat down at the kitchen table. She looked almost the same as Harry remembered her. A pain twitched in Harry's chest. There was a hole between them, and it was filled with what things they'd never talk about again.

"I've heard…other things. Did you …well, I mean…"

Hermione twiddled her hands in her lap. Harry sighed, "Who told you?"

"Well…actually, Ginny did."

Harry groaned, "You went to her?" Hermione said nothing.

"You went to her? Ron's sister, to talk about me? My ex-fiancé, to talk about me?"

Hermione nodded, "I know…I shouldn't have…Molly just wanted me to stop by the burrow for a spell. I couldn't say no just because of you."

Harry laughed, "See, the funny thing is, you could have. But you chose not too; because what would people think?"

Hermione sighed and began to say something but Harry stopped her with the first words of anger that pushed themselves from his lips.

"You're just like everyone else! _What will people think of me_? _What am I to do if one person gets a different insight about my personality_?" Harry glared at Hermione.

"I don't owe you an explanation." Harry snapped.

"Harry…"

"…I don't even need to give you an explanation as to why I won't give you an explanation!"

Harry walked to the door and held it open.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Hermione said holding her hands on her hips.

"Congratulations, I'll see you tomorrow."

Hermione sighed heavily and left Harry alone in his apartment. It was about an hour later that Harry realized he had agreed to attend dinner with the Order of the Phoenix, plus his best friend and ex-fiancé.

**----------------------------------**

Harry stood outside Snape's doors in the dungeons of Hogwarts. It was almost nine at night; Snape would be preparing for the next days classes. Harry knocked once and waited. But no one came. He knocked again, and instantly regretted doing so. A man who was clearly not Snape answered.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

Harry stopped; his mind froze. He knew this man.

It was he that Harry had saw take a seat with Snape at the Hogshead.

"I was, I mean…"

"Let him in," a voice said loudly from the back of Snape's chambers.

The man stepped aside and let Harry enter. Snape stood in front of his desk, his arms crossed, looking somewhat annoyed. Harry began to believe he interrupted something.

"Yes, Potter?"

Harry realized that because he had obviously intruded on something, he needed a logical reason for disturbing Snape.

"I need," Harry racked his brain, "…a sleeping draught."

Snape raised a brow, "If it wouldn't be too much trouble. I mean…I didn't mean to intrude, I could go actually….I'll just go, shall I?" Harry turned around and began to leave when Snape's hand caught his shoulder.

"Mr. Tate and I done Potter, I'll get you your draught."

The man named Tate rolled his eyes, "Are you busy tomorrow?" he asked.

Snape slammed opened one of his many supply cupboards. "I'm always busy Mr. Tate.."

The man did not make to leave, and this seemed to irritate Snape. "If you must stop by do so; but I will not be here past eight." Tate nodded and turned to leave.

"Good night." He said leaving. The door shut and Snape turned around holding a small vial in his hand. "…sleeping draught Potter?"

Harry reached for it and his hand touch Snape's.

"Would it be completely inappropriate for me to admit I'm a liar-liar pants on fire?"

Snape smirked, "Perhaps."

Harry said nothing in fear of making himself seem more of a fool. Snape knew Harry had no reason for coming to see him, other than wanting to be in his company. What was he to do?

"I can go if you want..."Harry took the vial, though his hands were red, and made to leave once more.

"I'll see you at Grimmauld Place tomorrow, I assume?" Snape asked. Harry's heart pounded, "You're going to dinner?" Harry asked sounding surprised.

"Molly Weasley insisted I attend."

Harry's face broke into a smile.

**----------------------------------**

The table was set when Harry walked in the doors. He blinked and saw a group of Weasley's and he realized and it was his first confrontation since he and Ginny had split. Mr. Weasley smiled warmly and held out his hand, "How've you been?" he asked, Harry smiled and said he was fine.

Fred and George looked taller than the last time Harry had seen them. They both wore what looked like newly purchased robes; one of dark purple and the other blue. Charlie stood between them holding a drink nodding at whatever Fred was saying.

From behind them Harry saw Bill and Fleur. Bill's wife of blond looked …bigger. Harry wondered if there was to be another red head with the Weasley name on the way.

Sitting down was Lupin and Tonks. Tonks had chosen to have her hair long and brown; Lupin smiled every time she carefully placed her hands over his; Harry wondered if he himself had ever looked so content.

Harry suspected Mrs. Weasley and Ginny were perhaps in the kitchen, but he did not ask. There was the sound of the door opening and Harry turned and saw Snape. He looked at no one as he entered, until he saw Harry.

His eye lingered.

Harry watched Snape as he was greeted by Mr. Weasley.

"Drink, Harry?" Harry nodded and smiled at Lupin who handed him a clear glass filled with a deep red wine.

"Er, thanks." He took the glass and began to try a small sip. At the exact moment the doors of the kitchen opened and out came Ginny and Ajax Everett smiling and looking quite pleased with themselves.

"It smells wonderful in there…" Everett muttered.

Harry swallowed his wine with a cough and wiped the back of his mouth with his hand. Seconds later Hermione appeared from behind the doors as well. She smiled at Harry but did not approach him. For a moment Harry felt like running as fast as his could away from everyone. It was as if he was being thrown into a mess of people who knew he had lived the last four years of his life laced with lies.

Harry felt dizzy.

"How long until the bloody food's done?" Fred muttered to Ginny. Ginny said something about twenty minutes or so.

Harry excused himself and went to stand outside.

He couldn't do it.

He couldn't…he'd die in there…

He would.

And no one would save him…

"You're avoiding them." Harry turned and looked at Snape.

Harry shivered.

It was almost summer.

"…I don't belong in there. Ginny and…they belong there. Ron _should _be there. Hermione does belong there too; not me." Harry crossed his arms suddenly cold; he was utterly alone.

"I didn't live up to their standards."

"Potter…"

"I should have defeated Voldermort, married Ginny and had children and lived happily ever after."

"Happily ever after…" Snape spat, "..You've lived with muggles too long, Potter."

Harry shook his head, "Who was that man? Tate?"

Snape said nothing.

"I mean...I guess you don't have to tell me. It's your business and well, I really shouldn't…"

Harry didn't realize Snape had moved until he stood right in front of him.

"He's a old student. From one of my first years of teaching."

Harry had an urge to ask him how many students Snape had under his belt.

But an, "Oh," was all he could muster.

Snape reached up a hand to Harry's face and touched it lightly. His finger tips were cold. There was a whisper in the wind that wrapped itself around Harry, and he felt himself shiver lightly. His heart hammered for unknown reason, and for the first time in far too long, Ginny never flashed behind his eyes.

"Kiss me?" Harry asked. His voice was choked, but he knew he was heard. Carefully Snape let his hand slip behind Harry's neck. In just a blink of an eye, Harry leaned forward and caught Snape's lips on his.

It was the definition of new beginnings.

Harry reached his arms around Snape's back and opened his mouth slightly. Snape groaned and pushed Harry back against the outside walls of Grimmauld place.

Heat flashed and Harry's heart caught….

'_Love me_…' he said in his head. '_Please, please—love me_.'

"Harry?"

Snape pulled away sharply and shoved his hands in his pockets. His expression turned from sincere to uncaring in seconds. Harry had more of a problem trying not to seem as though he had just been thoroughly snogged.

"…Food done?" Harry asked clearing his throat. Lupin nodded and together they walked in for dinner.

**----------------------------------**

Across the table Ginny and Everett talked happily; Ginny giggled every now and then, and it made Harry feel as though they were at Hogwarts again. Ginny looked up and caught Harry starring. Annoyed, Harry turned away, and found that Lupin was also watching him.

"How have things been Harry?" Lupin asked setting down his spoon.

'_Oh you know; good. I broke up with Ginny, was bombarded by the daily prophet, got the brains snogged out of me by my old potions professor…and oh, did I mention I'm dropping out of the Auror training classes I've been taking?'_

Harry smiled, "Good, I've just be relaxing."

"We've missed you in class." Ginny said raising her voice. Harry imagined himself taking his wand out and striking her dead.

"Er…really. Well, you know…it's just not what I thought it would be."

Harry remembered at that moment just how intruding Ginny had always been when dealing with personal business.

"Well…how did you think it would be?"

Every head in the room seemed stuck looking between Harry and Ginny.

"Well, I thought it was be more…informing, versus a chance for the Daily Prophet and the ministry of magic to use me."

Harry heard someone drop their fork, and Everett glared, "No one used you."

Harry shook his head; since he defeated the Dark Lord it was as if everyone believed Harry was no longer a target. But nothing disappeared from Harry's life of being the most wanted and known wizard, expect for Voldermort.

"Can we just eat?" Harry asked.

Molly nodded, "Yes, let's just have a nice meal."

Everett shook his head and Ginny poked her food angrily. Harry closed his eyes for a moment and awaited his chance to leave.

**----------------------------------**

Almost a week passed before Harry dared to step foot in the Order house again. It was a Sunday afternoon, and Harry knew Mrs. Weasley usually served a lunch for order members. It was a normal routine that had started the year Harry had graduated. Of course now there wasn't any threat of Voldermort, or morbid talks of how it could be their last lunch together.

There were however, a few moments sat in silence after someone would mention Ron or anyone else they had all lost…but those moments had also begun to feel like normal routine.

When Harry stepped into number 12 Grimmauld place, he was surprised to see only Lupin.

"Harry…this is a bit of a surprise," Lupin said looking over his shoulder.

Harry smiled and stood still in the door way. "I take it no one comes here for Sunday lunch anymore…"

Lupin chuckled, "Not every Sunday. We have lives to live now."

The words hit Harry, and on impact he understood their meaning. They had lives to live; they had a choice to live their lives. Before it had been as simple as keeping what you had close, in fear you would not make it through the war to discover something else.

"I'm actually not that hungry…" Harry muttered.

Lupin smiled and turned back to the paper in front of him, "I figured just as much."

**----------------------------------**

Harry stood outside Snape's door knocking politely. When the potions master finally came to the door, Harry smiled.

"I think I love you," Harry told him. Snape said nothing, and Harry wondered if he had made a mistake. "I mean, I think, I want to…we're good together, right?"

Snape shook his head, "Potter…"

"Okay, so…yeah, I'm a little messed up; but you have your problems too, and we can work through them. I just know that if I could go back, I would have chosen to be with you a lot sooner."

Snape looked emotionless, "Potter, I'm quite busy at the moment…"

"Severus? Who's there?"

Harry went to look behind Snape, but he moved gracefully, filling the doorway. Harry could only suspect the worse; and just like that the man Tate flashed in his mind. Snape was a man born to deceive.

"Busy…right, I'll…just go then."

Turning around, Harry felt a rush coldness. _Don't give up…say something…_Harry's mind told him.

"Can I stop by tomorrow then?" Harry asked.

Snape looked at him through the doorway, something like regret flashed.

"If you must."

Harry did not respond, but he hoped Snape would be ready to talk then.

**(to be continued...)**


	5. Factuality

**Title: Factuality**

**Pairing: Harry/Snape**

**A/N: The fifth installment of the mini series I have yet to name… sad, I know. All you really need to do is read and review; let me know how you like it so far!**

**Cheers---**

**Teagan**

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"He doesn't need me."

Harry stood outside Hermione's flat in the east of France. It was raining. Hermione stared at him with a raised brow.

"You came to France to tell me…wait, who?"

Harry shook his head. Rain drops ran down his face.

"Snape: Snape doesn't need me. I'm just this side thing he enjoys."

Hermione opened her door and let Harry in.

"I don't get it." Hermione sat down on the first chair she found. Her flat was small. She had one love seat and a large recliner, but she sat herself down on an old looking kitchen chair that was placed in front of her desk. She appeared to have been studying.

"Did you apparate?"

Harry glared, "No, I flew."

Hermione sighed, "Well, why didn't you…talk to Remus? You didn't have to come all the way here."

Harry gapped. "Oh! Okay, Hey Remus, well, I kind of like that arse hole you and my dad used to beat up, and he doesn't seem to be feeling the same way I do…do you have anything dirty secrets I could hold against him?"

Hermione laid her head down on her desk.

"Harry, I'm just saying…I'm the last person who would understand what that man is thinking. I couldn't even help you and Ginny, and I_ am_ a women. I am not however a homosexual ex-death eater, so I'm even less of a help here."

Harry groaned, "Fine, I'll leave and I'll see you in another year when you decide to come and have dinner again and ignore me…" Harry turned to leave and Hermione stood.

"Harry…it's hard. I look at you and I hear myself, and I think: you know if Ron were here…"

Harry laughed, "Oh so sorry, I didn't know you missed Ron. Because I don't miss him at all!" Harry felt the sarcasm fly from his tongue and he hoped Hermione would feel it too.

"That's not what I meant…"

Harry sighed, "No, actually I think it was. I'm sorry he's dead, okay? I'm so fucking sorry I remind you of the fact he's dead!"

Hermione covered her ears and shook her head, "Stop saying it like that!"

"DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!"

Hermione sobbed and sat back down, lying foreword with her head between her knees.

"I'd rather be dead a million times over than living and watching all this bloody bullshit that goes on." Harry pulled out his wand and pointed it at his head muttering a drying spell. He waited for Hermione to sit up and say something but she didn't.

"I know you loved him, but…damnit...damnit! I loved him too and it doesn't make it any easier when all you want to do is talk about the things that didn't go right! What about me and Snape? What if there's something there? What about you're studying? So something's fucked up, I'm not going to throw it all away and cry…god damnit!"

Harry kicked the nearest thing to him which ended up being a coat rack. Hermione snapped up at the sound.

"..Harry…I just bought that."

Harry looked at Hermione and laughed; but he realized he didn't know why.

------------------------------------------

When Harry stood outside Snape's door he had to keep telling himself that Snape had okayed his coming. Regardless, he found himself unable to knock.

"Potter."

Harry turned around and saw Snape.

"…what the hell? I thought…I didn't even hear you!"

Snape rolled his eyes and pulled out his wand.

"I'm not an ogre, Potter."

Harry watched as Snape tapped his wand once against his door while muttering something. "You lock your rooms?" Harry said aloud. Snape opened the door, "No, it's simply all for show. Have I impressed you?" Harry blushed, "Sorry, I was just curious."

"Curious or dumb founded?"

Harry felt his face become even redder.

"I can leave you know," Harry said as though it were a threat.

"Please do."

Snape went to his desk and sat down, digging in his draws, looking busy.

"W-what? Are you joking? What is going on? I don't get you….just a few days ago we were snogging…and now you, I mean…."

Snape looked up at Harry, "Potter, spare me the idiocy."

"So it was nothing? Me and you, it was all nothing?" Harry muttered.

"You're over Weasley…that was the point: congratulations."

Harry didn't know what to say, but Snape seemed satisfied enough. He found whatever it was he had been looking for. It was an envelope that was not much bigger than a few gold gallons. He stood walking away from Harry to his potions cupboards.

"I'm leaving Potter, if you have anything else to say, I suggest you do it now."

"Leaving?"

Snape took out a bag from his cupboard and filled it with random vials and bottles.

"Yes."

"Leaving Hogwarts or …"

"Just leaving. It's not your business actually..."

Harry stood stunned.

"I think it is! Where are you going?" Harry found himself next to Snape grabbing his sleeve. Snape leaned close. "Far,_ far_ away," he hissed.

Harry felt dizzy.

"Why?"

Snape pulled back before Harry could do what he really wanted too; which was snog the man senseless.

"…because a hero's work is never done." Snape's cold tone made Harry ever angrier.

"You know what? Fuck you! Just leave! See if I care! And you know what; have a bloody grand time fucking Nate…Tate…whatever the hell his name is…" Harry felt his stomach sting and his eyes swell, but he walked away from the potion's master because he couldn't stand the idea of loving another person who would never love him back.

"I'm not fucking him, Potter."

Harry stood at the door, his back facing Snape.

_But that doesn't change much, does it? _

Harry decided it was high time someone used Snape's own cruelty against him,

"Congratulations," Harry said. And he left Snape, just before Snape could leave him.

**----------------------------------**

Harry sat feeling dead.

It had been not even a day sense Snape had 'left' and Harry didn't even know what he meant by it. Where would he be leaving too?

A knock sounded at his door.

"Come in," Harry shouted from his kitchen table where he sat drinking cold tea.

Harry looked up to see Remus Lupin entering his apartment.

"I didn't think you knew where I lived…" Harry said looking at the werewolf strangely.

"Well, something's are best kept secret I suppose."

Harry said nothing, but he watched Lupin with interest. He seemed nervous…almost scared. "…do you need something?" Harry asked.

"Harry…there's been an attack."

Harry raised a brow.

"An attack? Like…someone had a heart attack or…"

Lupin raised a hand, "A death eater attack, actually. Just outside of London."

Harry gapped at the older wizard, "Was anyone hurt?"

Lupin shook his head, "…some muggles. But…there was a suspect caught."

Harry was unable to grasp the concept. "Who?"

"Snape."

------------------------------------------

"He is not a death eater!" Harry shouted at the women who sat behind the counter at the ministry of magic.

"Mr. Potter, please. Captain Everett will be right with you, he's completely informed about the incident." The women eyed Lupin who stood next to Harry with dislike. "He's a bloody captain? Good lord…" Harry shook his head and rolled his eyes when a certain red head came walking towards him.

"Merlin…" Harry muttered.

"Harry, just…talk. She'll help you sort this out." Lupin mumbled.

Harry sighed, "What the hell is going on?"

Ginny grabbed Harry by the arm and nodded at Lupin to follow.

"We just got a lead that there was this uprising. A bunch of old death eaters were raiding in the name of Voldermort. And when we got there, it was just Snape alone in this muggle house, on the floor not moving. But we take his wand, and what's the last spell he's preformed? Avada Kardva."

Lupin sighed, "Were there even any dead bodies? He could have simply have been defending himself."

Ginny shook her head, "He wasn't. We found three dead; it looked like a father and two daughters."

Ginny stopped them outside of a room with a sliver door. "It's an Auror meeting. You've been allowed to join in Harry…Sorry, Remus."

Lupin nodded, "…its fine. Go on Harry, I'll wait."

Harry entered the room with Ginny. Around one table sat Everett, an older man Harry did not know, a blonde haired witch, and Tonks. Harry wondered if Remus knew Tonks was in the room.

"Mr. Potter, you're here on behalf of a Mr. Severus Snape…" Everett flipped opened a book of parchment and began reading it.

Harry glared, "I don't understand…he wouldn't just kill a bunch of random muggles…it had to have been a trap."

The blond haired witch spoke up, "On the contrary Mr. Potter. Professor Snape admitted to the accusation."

Harry's mouth fell open.

"What?"

Ginny patted Harry on the shoulder, "…its okay Harry…we always knew he was a little strange…"

"No! He's a hero! Not a murderer!"

Everett sighed, "He admitted to murdering three muggles, what are we to do? Excuse it?"

"Let me talk to him, he's obviously…disturbed or something..."

The older wizard leaned over and whispered something to Everett.

Everett huffed, "Very well, you may speak with him.

Tonks raised her hand, "I'll just escort him, shall I?"

------------------------------------------

"He told me he was leaving…but he wasn't sure how long for, and I let him go, because he'd been acting like a fucking arse."

Tonks sighed, "I don't know what to tell you mate; Snape's a strange one…"

Harry stopped as they made their way to the cells where Snape was being held. "But he wouldn't kill anyone without reason."

Tonks bit her lip, "How do we know that? He's a bit…well, good at deceiving don't you think?"

Harry shook his head and continued to follow Tonks. He wondered what Snape had gotten himself into. Tonks stopped outside a large wooden door. She pulled out her wand and pushed it open, "Come on," she said holding it open.

Snape stood with his back leaning against the wall, his arms crossed. Tonks nodded at him. "I'll give you five minutes."

Tonks left and the door shut.

"What—," but before Harry could get one word out Snape spoke, "...do not ask questions when you will never understand the answers."

Harry raised a brow, "How do you know I won't understand the answer?"

Snape snorted, "When have you ever understood the answer to anything?"

Harry glared, "I came here to help you! What happened last night? Why did you kill innocent people?"

Snape shook his head, "Innocence is in the eyes of the beholder."

"THEY WERE MUGGLES!" Harry shouted. His words flooded the room they stood in.

"Were they now? And where are their bodies? Did you see this for yourself?"

Harry groaned, "No but Ginny and all the others did!"

Snape said nothing.

"You left Hogwarts to murder a family of muggles…I don't get it! You're not even…you weren't ever with Voldermort!"

"Then why would I murder a family of helpless muggles?"

Harry felt his face burn, "How the fuck should I know? Why don't you tell me?"

Snape uncrossed his arms, "The facts are simple Potter, I am damned to be in your debt until the day I die; it was just another task I had to perform so I could continue to fulfill my never ending service to you."

"You're not in my debt… I was told you were…but that was ages ago. You repaid it by saving me my first year."

Snape sighed, "…and you saved me from Voldermort's hands. You saved me from the dark lord whom I bare the mark of."

Harry raised a brow, "I didn't save you; you saved me. I just killed Voldermort."

Snape cringed, "You killed the man who had control of my existence."

"…but, I mean…who wouldn't have…everyone wanted Voldermort dead," Harry groaned, "…and that doesn't explain you killing muggles!"

As he sighed, Snape went back to lean against the wall, "…they were hardly muggles. Inspect the bodies for yourself, Potter. Do not trust what you have not seen."

The door opened and Tonks appeared, "Times up, Harry."

With one last glance at Snape, Harry left.

------------------------------------------

_It was so dark, Harry thought he had died. _

"_Hello?" Harry squinted trying to see something. He had lost his glasses, and it was dark. Voldermort could have snuck up behind him and had his way. _

"…_You've got to be kidding me…" Harry muttered. He was alone. There would be no helping hand this time around it seemed. No Hermione, no Ron, no Lupin, no…_

"_I heard someone over there!" _

_Harry stopped moving. Falling to his knees Harry felt the ground. The grass was wet and he was fucked. They were sure to find him. Death eaters…it had to be death eaters. Harry let his right hand reach into his robe for his wand, there it was, and soon Harry predicted he'd be taking it out to defend himself. _

"…_I don't hear anyone…should I light my wand?" _

_Harry bit his lip and crawled slowly on his hands and knees through the wet grass. _

"…_are you bleeding stupid? Don't light your wand, who ever it is, they'll see us!"_

_The other man spoke again, "McNair is full of shite; there's no one in this forest. Come on…" _

_Harry stood slowly, and walk backwards away from the sound of voices. His foot caught on a tree root, and he fell hard, cursing. _

"_FUCK!" He shouted. _

_There was a crunch of glass sounding material; apparently he had found his glasses. A hand grabbed him by the neck and he gasped. "Found you." A man hissed. Harry coughed trying to push himself away. A wand appeared in his face, lit with a soft Lumos. _

_The man laughed. Harry did not know his face, but he did know he was no friend of his. _

"_Well, well, you're quite a sight for sore eyes, Potter…" A second man grabbed his arms from behind and held them against his back. Harry bit his lip to stop from crying out. _

"_What'cha doing out here all alone? Looking for the Dark Lord? Thinking of sneaking up on him, eh Potter?" _

_Harry wished that had been the case, but actually, he had gotten lost. It his fault though; Harry had separated himself from Lupin and Moody a few nights past. He knew he would not kill Voldermort with their help; it was his job alone…so he left them. _

"_Well if it's a fight you're looking for, we can take you right to him, Potter… How's that sound?" _

_A wand jabbed him hard in the back and he cried out. _

"…_but perhaps we'll have some fun first…he said bring you back alive; but…you'll be plenty alive once we're done with you."_

_The man behind reached for the belt of his pants, and Harry kicked backgrounds. _

"_YOU LITTLE ARSE!" The man shouted._

_The man in front tightened his grip about Harry's throat, and shoved him face first into a tree. "Now, don't be afraid to make a wee bit of noise; I like to hear a little something everyone now and then." _

_The man leaned against him and Harry felt his hard cock. _

"_CRUCIO!" Harry heard someone shout. The man fell to the ground screaming. _

"…_Lansing." A deep voice muttered. "You should have learned long ago to keep your hands…and other parts, to yourself." _

_Harry knew that voice, but he couldn't believe it. _

_Feeling sick, Harry fell to the ground. Behind his closed eyes, Harry saw a flash of green. Moments later he felt someone slap his face. "Get up Potter," A man snapped. Harry weakly opened his eyes. Snape stared back, his face uncaring. _

_Harry sat up and coughed. Snape rested a gentle hand on his back and held Harry's glasses in his view. "…did you fix them?" Harry choked. _

_Snape snorted, "Obviously." _

_Harry began to stand, but he wobbled helplessly. _

"_You're a lucky son of bitch Potter; I'll give you that." _

_Harry smiled and fell against Snape's chest. _

"_You saved me…" Harry muttered. _

_Snape pushed Harry away and steadied him. _

"_All in a days work apparently." _

_It was true; Snape had saved Harry. And no less than a day later, Harry saved the world. _

------------------------------------------

Harry followed Tonks from the room where Snape was being kept. He didn't know if he could believe his story; but he could not simply ignore it all together.

"Tonks…would it be possible for me to see the muggles? I mean, the one's Snape killed?" Harry asked. Tonks looked over her shoulder for a moment.

"Why?" she asked.

Harry shrugged, "It's just something I have to do."

Tonks sighed, "I'll take you, but not a word to Everett. He's been an arse lately."

Harry agreed.

As he and Tonks made their way to see the supposed muggles, Harry wondered what he would do if Snape had infact been telling the truth.


End file.
